Britten speaks to my soul.

The only guarantee in life is death, usually with a side of pain thrown in by the universe just to spite you for trying to be a good human being.

You're goddammit right it hurts. Sometimes, simply existing hurts.

This exists because I can not say this to anyone I know. There is nobody I can be honest with. So you, unsuspecting Internet stranger, get to gloss over this and pass it off as some angsty teenager's ramblings. Except this would be so much easier to deal with if I was a teenager.

I have a therapist I can't talk to. No amount of training can allow a person to comprehend experiences of others and the impacts those experiences make on lives. I want to talk to you, but I can't. I have to guard myself against people seeing ME.

It's ok.

- Waking up, having your appendages used for sexual favors, not having any pleasure given to you.

It's fine.

It's not like we're married or anything. It's not like we've had any sex in the last... I don't even know how many months. My doctor wonders why I'm so tense that I require Soma to be able to lay down at night.

This is shit.

You're funny. I'm not safe anywhere. Not online, not in real life, not in my own home. Safety is an illusion put in place to make you feel better.

How can you be married and feel so alone. So incredibly alone, so much of the time. Not unloved, not unwanted... just alone.

Wake.. from your sleep
The drying of your tears
Today we escape, we escape

Pack.. and get dressed
Before your father hears us
Before all hell breaks loose

Breathe, keep breathing
Don't lose your nerve
Breathe, keep breathing
I can't do this alone

Sing.. us a song
A song to keep us warm
There's such a chill, such a chill

You can laugh
A spineless laugh
We hope your rules and wisdom choke you
Now we are one in everlasting peace

We hope that you choke, that you choke
We hope that you choke, that you choke
We hope that you choke, that you choke

**Despair intensifies **

You're married but you're able to fuck whom you please with no repercussions. You can't cum though, because you don't feel wanted or appreciated, ever.

He didn't vote. After all of that, the mail-in ballots, the 18 different ways to vote three weeks preceding the election, he couldn't be bothered to vote. It's as if the future of the country means nothing. That's ok, it kind of feels like our future is full of nothing.

Why bother following the rules when they don't apply to everyone? What's the point? Thinking back to trying to be good... what's the point.

Why bother trying to do good in the world when it doesn't want to be good?

http://explosm.net/comics/4463/

He asked "Do you have someone you can talk to?" I said "Sure, I guess."

On second thought... no, I don't.